What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
