Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
