if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
