Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
