Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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