Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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