i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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