alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
