soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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