I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
