Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
