The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
