I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
