xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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