You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
