you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They took my balls.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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