I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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