dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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