you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
