Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
