So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
