id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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