Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.