I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.