Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

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(619): I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face. http://tfl.nu/73xe

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(301): View more from Maryland

Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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(301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5

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(631): View more from New York

im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

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(631): im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/3y00

Replies (65) Good night (8075) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?

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(919): Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus? http://tfl.nu/9yje

Replies (22) Good night (726) Bad night (3951) Order T-Shirt
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(628): View more from California

i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me

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(628): i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me http://tfl.nu/vt02

Replies (40) Good night (2029) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
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(281): View more from Texas

Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.

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(281): Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing. http://tfl.nu/duvr

Replies (14) Good night (696) Bad night (2666) Order T-Shirt
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(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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(+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f

Replies (26) Good night (7675) Bad night (1261)
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(705): View more from Ontario

APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...

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(705): APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk... http://tfl.nu/biv4

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(910): View more from North Carolina

me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.

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(910): me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a. http://tfl.nu/1fan

Replies (5) Good night (2249) Bad night (1430)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8

Replies (9) Good night (3087) Bad night (721)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.

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(301): I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had. http://tfl.nu/epuv

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?

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(506): Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs? http://tfl.nu/qbtb

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(716): View more from New York

Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.

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(716): Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking. http://tfl.nu/rcur

Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (483)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.

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(+44): Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection. http://tfl.nu/1vl5

Replies (9) Good night (706) Bad night (186)
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(914): View more from New York

But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.

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(914): But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level. http://tfl.nu/ncka

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