I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.