took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?