Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours