i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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