I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
