this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize