Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
