You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
