Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
