I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
