It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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