Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
