I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
