It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
