i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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