ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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