When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
