I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
