dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
