paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
