Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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