my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
