Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize