I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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