Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
