You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
