covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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