Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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