I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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