look no pants
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
