I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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