I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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