Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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