Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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