She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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