Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pants are for mortals
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
