I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
