I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
