your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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