Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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