ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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