I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
